I have a friend I haven’t told you about yet. Well he’s more of a nuisance that I’ve become accustomed with. He lives in my left ear and likes to remind me he’s there at the most inopportune times. He’s a bit like Drop Dead Fred in that way. He basically just bates at my inner left ear with a constant pulsing sensation, not sore just annoying. I call him Thumper. He likes to wake me up most nights for a chat. He’s a bollix. In my head he assumes the voice of Rik Mayall but he looks like the rabbit from Paolo Nutini’s video for Comin’ Up Easy and he’s the same size as Mike TeaVee from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory after he’s transported to television.
Ooh look at me I’m Keith Byrne, I like to compare every aspect of my life to things I’ve seen on the telly and put it on the internet for the world to see. Pathetic!
Shut the fuck up Thumper, I’m trying to write a blog here.
See what I mean? A pest. It’s the one symptom that I can’t explain and I don’t think it has ever really gone away. I always go on about my first symptoms being dizziness, blurred vision and fatigue but Thumper’s been here the whole time too. He comes and goes as he pleases. I’ve just got used to him. He’s probably the catalyst for all the other symptoms for all I know. My doctor initially put the throbbing in the ear down to an infection brought on by vertigo but we soon realised that wasn’t the case. It’s frustrating because he’s not always there and I can never tell when to expect him.
It could be 3a.m. on a random Tuesday and I’m out for the count for the last few hours. Thump, thump, thump! Wake up ya little baldy bastard. Are you serious? Let’s go on your phone and harass random celebrities on Twitter. Ugh, gimme a minute. No, what am I saying, I’m going back to sleep, would you ever feck off!!! Thump, thump, thump! I did not wake you up in the middle of the night for you to just ignore me and go back asleep. Let’s wake Michelle too. No I’ll just look at my phone until you decide to go away and give my head peace. Great!
So I entertain the thumping until it dies down. Usually this leads to a broken sleep every other night but I’m used to that now. It doesn’t affect my energy levels during the day too often but I can be fatigued pretty badly after a day’s work or, in particular, days when I have college after work. I usually get home and comatose on the couch. But sometimes Thumper doesn’t even allow that!
Recently Thumper went into overdrive. He had barely made an appearance for a few weeks and then on a random Wednesday afternoon in work thump, thump, thump! Oh it’s you again. You haven’t been around for a while. What do you want? Remember when you were 17 and you start listening to The Rolling Stones? Eh Yeah, how did you know that? I live right beside your memories remember? Balls! you told people to start calling you Disturbance because of their song Street Fightin’ Man? Maybe. Why couldn’t you have called me that? Instead of Thumper. And you could have called your ear the Force!!! Oh I get it so I could say there’s a Disturbance in the Force. Much better than some dozey rabbit from a kids movie. I’m sticking with Thumper, you don’t deserve a cool name.
Thump,thump, thump,thump, thump! Would ya feck off!! No! What are we up to for the rest of the week? You know I have work and projects to finish for college due in the next few days. That’s all I’ll be doing. Lovely jubbly, I think I’ll join ya. You will in your hole! I’ve too much to do I don’t have time for you to be bouncing up and down in my ear keeping me awake and literally wrecking my head. Tough shit! You’re a shithead! No you have a shit head. I don’t have a shit head, I just have a fleeting mind. Exactly, work, these college projects, whatever else you’ve got going on. You can’t give any of them your full attention and that’s why I’m here. To remind you not to take on too much at once. Wow, you’re so kind helping with my cognitive misgivings. This is the remix to cognition, hot and fresh out the kitchen. Thump, thump, thump!
So Thumper caused me to feel fatigued and just wrecked for a few days. Exhausted but unable to sleep much. I had to take a couple of sick days from work but this allowed me time to focus on college and get projects done in good time. As the projects were completed Thumper began to visit less and less. I made an appointment with my doctor to see if anything could be done about the recurring ear pulse. Typical, just typical. I help you complete those annoying projects and you go squealing on me to your doctor. Well thank you very much!! As I thought, the doctor was unable to see any problems inside my ear but did say that I should use the pulsing sensation as a reminder to keep looking after myself.
So basically, what you’re trying to say is, your doctor loves me! I am a thumping sensation! I wouldn’t go that far. I’m booked in for an MRI, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know. Oh lovely, I’ll see you there. I’m sure you will.
“With my thoughts like sifting leaves, I believe in my fleeting mind” Ocean Colour Scene